ENGLISCH AS SHE IS GOODLY SPOCKEN  by Nino Lo Bello

Italian Doctor's sign: Specialist in Women and Other Diseases

Even the British who speak English themselves, muff one
occasionally as in this hospital sign in London:
        Visitors - Two to a bed and half an hour only.
Or this linguistic lapse : Our establishment serves tea in a big
bag like mother.

One hotel in France lists an egg on its menu as extract of fowl;
it can be ordered poached to sunside up.

Then there is the dentist in Istanbul whose doorway proclaims:
American Dentict, 2th Floor - Teeth extracted by latest
methodists. At least he picked the right floor!!

The problem extends to communist nations courting tourists. In
Belgrade's state owned high rise hotel The Slavija, the lift
instructions say: to move the cabin, pushbutton of wishing floor.
If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press
number of wishing floor.
Posted in another Yugoslav hotel: Let us know about any
unficiency as well as leaking on the service. Our utmost will
improve.

[The title of this article is from a sign in the Netherlands
advertising a Dutch-English Grammar tutoring.]

In the office of one of Czechoslovakia's state travel bureaus:
Take one of our Horse Driven City Tours - We Guarantee no
Miscarriages. And these life-saving instructions aboard a Soviet
ship in the Black Sea: help Savering Apparata in Emergings behold
many whistles! Associate the stringign apparata about the bosoms
and meet behind, flee then to the indifferent lief-savering
shippen obediencing the instructs of the vessel chef.

On the list door in a Romanian hotel I [the woman who wrote
this, or it may well be a man] found my all time favorite:
	The lift is being fixed for the next days. During that
time we regret that you will be unbearable.

[This was probably condensed from another book called `American Way']