Nonsensical missive
© 25 October 2021 Luther Tychonievich
Licensed under Creative Commons: CC BY-NC-SA 3.0
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Sometimes I wake up and think “today’s a day for surrealistic nonsense.”



Every since our last interaction I’ve felt a bit off. Not that you made me feel off: not at all, on the contrary of course. I mean, not of course—most people don’t make me not feel off—not that most people do make me feel off either—What I mean is it was a pleasant conversation but it got me thinking, and I wish to let you know about those thoughts.

It wasn’t really magic.

There, I’ve said it. I know you thought it was magic; I know I was agreeable and supportive to your thinking it was magic; but, well, there’a a lot of magic in your life but that? That was just ordinary. As in, fitting in with the natural order of things: I don’t mean it was usual, of course. Quite unusual. And diverting; I enjoyed our talking about it.

The reason I let you think it was magical was twofold. First, I’ve always hoped you’d start to realize all the magic in your life and was so excited when you did but then it wasn’t actually one of the magical things after all, and, well, I didn’t know in the moment how to say “‍no no, that wasn’t magical at all‍” without accidentally connoting “‍because nothing is‍” when, in fact, a lot of things are. Second, the explanation of how it happened is so convoluted if I didn’t know most of it personally I don’t know if I’d believe it myself. Third—or wait, did I write “‍twofold‍”? I guess I meant… no, no, two will be fine.

I actually knew about most of it before you told me, though not how you had experienced it of course (and the bit with the doilies was a complete surprise, and quite a delightful extra as I’m sure you’ll agree if you think about how it would have gone without them!). I first learned of it from Corky. I don’t think you know Corky; he’s a tiny little man with unlimited energy and he was telling me about his latest hobby using fly-wire and camouflage suits to sneakily alter people’s hats. He’s part of that group you hear about on the news sometimes that is devoted to making the world more surreal, and a real hoot once you get to know him. Anyway, he was the one who did the hat bit in your story, and around the corner from where you were someone who he’d rehatted a bit earlier caught sight of him and decided to show their feelings by throwing, you guessed it, the fish. Yes, that fish. Well, with those parts explained I’m sure you can see how the rest of it fits together.

Strange? Yes. Magical? No.


But you have had magical things in your life! Remember how last Thursday—or wait, this letter might not arrive for a few days, so maybe Thursday week?—Remember how you turned left but accidentally put on your right turn signal instead and yet you weren’t hit by that gray sedan? That’s because the woman in the sedan had tossed a coin into the wishing well earlier and wished to look charming when she saw her crush that Thursday, and the well-fairies realized that a car crash would mess up her coiffure so they made your left blinker flash even though the wires were supposed to make the right one flash. Now that was magic! You should have heard Cornelius—he’s one of the well-fairies’s brother in law—tell it. Hear and see: Cornelius is a master of storytelling glamours.

So, I’m sorry I mislead you. That magic event you noticed? Amazing, propinquitous, entertaining, touching, but not, in the literal sense, magical. There’ve been many magical things you haven’t noticed, but that wasn’t one of them.

Anyway, I hope this clears the air. Not that you knew I thought the air was unclear, but, anyway.

I look forward to seeing you on the eleventh!

Kindest regards,

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